It was the hardest decision in my life to take. Come to think of it, I had no choice then but to turn to the Lord for guidance and deliverance in those troubled times.After so much soul searching and inquiries from the Lord, I decided to forgo the
operations and let my wife proceed to the US to work. Actually, there was no choice since we do not have the money for the operations. And even if we do, how can I be operated for three different diseases that all needed immediate surgeries. I think even king Solomon would have been hard pressed to solve that problem.
My wife finally went to the US and I was left alone relying exclusively on the grace and mercy of my God. I have to become the father and mother of my four kids, the youngest of whom was my six years old Princess Heidi.
Oh, problems were aplenty and I terribly missed my wife to share the burden of the upkeep of our house and the rearing of our children.
I have been to the portals of death so many times that I have already prepared myself for such an eventuality. In my sleep, the evil one would taunt me with the possibility of death. So many times, I would hear the vein on my nape snapped as I thought I was already having a major stroke. I knew that a single stroke would kill me since as a diabetic, whatever wound that might develop in my brain would not clot and I would bleed to death.
I have time and again suffered sleepless nights because of the excruciating pain in my lower back and in my groin. I hid those pains to others as I ministered and prayed for the needs of those the Lord had brought to me. But at night, I pour my heart out to the Lord. I shed copious tears to the Lord but never did I question the reason for my terrible pain. I always trust in His unfailing love and mercy.
But it's not all pain throughout. There were respite and relief from the nagging pains in my journey to life. They serve as virtual oases in my desert trek in life.
I have been through a lot of misfortunes and pains that there were times where my faith wavered. Like when we suffered that devastating flood that practically wiped out all our material possessions in our house. My wife suffered scarcity of and intermittent jobs in the US because of the housing and unemployment problems there. And lately, the scoliosis problem of my lower back and the acute hernia and enlarged prostate gland in my groin have caused me so much pain that I could scarcely get up, much less walk.
I no longer use my mind to ponder these things since all signs point to a permanent disability or complete paralysis of my lower body. I hold on to the great promises of God to deliver me from all these trials.
My favorite verse containing His unequivocal promise is, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways,
acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6) He has delivered me from all my trials before, and He will deliver me from them, again and again and again.
Each day that I wake up in the morning, I thank Him for keeping me alive and still become productive for my children and the souls I minister to. Truly, I am now living by faith and not by sight. To God be the glory now and forever. Amen.
Posted by Mel Avila Alarilla
Philippines
Spiritual/Inspirational
