Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Day I Almost Committed Suicide

I will never forget that day. That was November last year when I almost took my life because of severe and excruciating pain in my lower back and my whole torso. You see, I was born with a congenital scoliosis (a deformity in the lumbar section of my lower back). This has hampered the normal flow of my life and has caused me so much pain for most of my life. For two months last year, I was unable to go out of my house because of the nagging pain in my lower back and right leg. I was limited to a few movements inside the house. Then it happened. As I was bending to pick up a soap in the bath room floor, I felt a sudden twitch in my right leg and I felt a horrifying pain shot up on my whole torso. I could not stand up any more and the throbbing pain began to flood my entire torso. I have to literally crawl out of our bath room and lie on the sofa in our living room. And that has been my only place in the house for three days.

The pain was such that I have to take the most powerful pain reliever every four hours. I did not eat during those three days, only a few nibbles before taking my medicines. I have to use a makeshift crutch to be able to go to the toilet to relieve myself. I lulled myself to sleep and contented myself in praying to the Lord. On the second night of my ordeal, the pain was so much that I contemplated on getting a kitchen knife and ending my misery and pain. Only the fear of the Lord prevented me from doing so. I knew my God would deliver me. Then it came. On the night of the third day of my ordeal, a text message (sms) came to me from a Christian sister and friend bearing a verse in Jeremiah 30:17, "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord." I claimed that promise and I knew my deliverance was at hand. When I woke up the next morning the pain was gone and I was able to go to the toilet unaided to finally relieve myself. I took a fresh bath and that was so wonderful an experience. The Lord has delivered me time and again from the valley of the shadow of death. LET HIS NAME BE PRAISED AND GLORIFIED FOREVERMORE.

Tags: God, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, Pain, Suicide, Deliverance, Fear of The Lord

Posted by: Mel Avila Alarilla


Anonymous said...

Hello I am Ne, I came here from Sameera's blog... The title caught my attention and your words touched my heart!

I am Messianic Jew.. I believe in Yeshua.. I have wanted many times to right about the trouble in my life but was ashamed and scared of what everyone would "think" about me not suicide but my eating disorder that I had and how it came about!

Wow you really touched me.. I am glad that you are better and that you were delivered!! Praise Yeshua!!


*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Oh Mel!I remember that time when you were off the blog for a long time and came back and told you were unwell.Little did I know it was so bad.I am so grateful to God for helping you endure,and lessening your pain that night and having prevented you from doing what you could have.

Take care my dear friend.God Bless You and your lovely family always.

Darlyn said...

me too i experienced like that before, especially when the doctor told my illness. but i realized it is the only way to display God's goodness in my life. How we can know that God is a healer if He ddn't give us sickness.. God is good all the time.

God bless you to all of us.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Ne,
There is nothing to be ashamed of if what you will write will benefit others and broaden their horizons. We are connected in one whole big brotherhood and we tend to empathize with the suffering of others. We see our humanity and link with our brothers and sisters around the world. One blogger friend of mine who is suffering from Bipolar Disorder confessed in her blog that she was once upon raped by her own brother. Of course, her article drew a violent reaction from the girl friend of her brother but it also elicited a lot of sympathetic messages from all around the globe supporting and encouraging her. You have a soft spot in your heart. Follow your heart's desire and write your article. Thanks for your visit and comments. God bless you always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Sameera,
Yes, it was that bad and until now I am still feeling the pain once in a while. But I focus more on what I can write for the glory of my God than what I feel in my body. Just like Shiela Wahab of Bluebirdy who is suffering from lupus, fibromyalgia and other exotic diseases, she rises out of her own suffering to minister to the spiritual needs of others. Probably it was meant that way for both of us. Thanks for your visit and very encouraging comments. I really appreciate that my dear friend. God bless you always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Darlyn,
You speak with words of wisdom. Pain and sickness can be overcome by living faith in the true healer. Thanks for your visit and very inspiring comments. God bless you always my friend.

krystyna said...

Oh, Mel I remember that your very horrible time too.
I know that the deep, true faith is your strenght.
Thank you for sharing, your words are inspiring.

"Be strong, and let your heart take courage."-
Psalm 27:14

God bless!

fingertalks said...

oh my...i didn't know about that, bro. mel. i tried to remember where I was during that time or what i was doing. i searched for my nov. 07 entries...and there i was. i had no Internet connection for three months or four prior to nov.07. and when the telephone was installed in our new place, i didn't blog much because there wasn't DSL yet..just a dial up connection which could hardly connect to the Internet. oh. i am sorry that you felt that way...but happy that God delivered you from that pain. God is really, really marvelous. Sending you my prayers, my friend.

i am sorry i seldom bloghop. i can only visit when nausea isn't that bad.

take care always!

Anonymous said...

bro, you are always in my prayer. i believe that God will restore you to health. let's keep believing. i'm so sorry you have to go through all those pain. you know, it's hard to understand but we have to constantly remind ourselves that God knows and He will deliver us. that i know for sure.

God bless you, bro.

caca said...

i was moved to tears while reading this. i had been through times when ending my life was the only sensible thing left to do. however, i thank God for always delivering me from such ordeals.

and i'm glad that he took your pain away or else i won't be enjoying your writings. :)

Bingkee said...

Amen Alleluia to our God.God our Healer. There is nothing impossible with God as long as we believe. Our infirmities are there to remind us to rely on His strength and power.

Thank you Lord for healing my friend, Mel.

krystyna said...

Very beautiful photo!

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Krystyna,
Like Shiela of Bluebirdy, maybe the Lord intended it that way for both of us so that we can become an instrument of God to showcase His love and mercy to His children. I was compelled to write this article to show the depths that a person can go through and still be delivered by the Lord. Thank you so much my friend. Your words have been such an inspiration to me. May the Lord bless us all as we all go through different trials in life. God bless you always my dear friend.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Fingetalks,
It's alright I understand the nausea and other discomforts that a pregnant woman go through. I am very much grateful for the sympathetic words you relayed. I will keep them as treasures in my heart. Thank you so much my dear friend. Please take good care of yourself and your baby. God bless you always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Pia,
Yes, I know that my friend. We have been constantly praying for one another since that's what the Lord wants from us. Thank you so much for your prayers. I really appreciate them. We all go through our own pain, sufferings and trials for they were meant by God to strengthen us and make us a perfect vessel for use by the Lord. And in the end, He always deliver us. Isn't He great? No one can fathom the depth of His great love for us. I am always praying for you my sister and friend and thank you too for ministering to my friend Shiela of Bluebirdy. She really needs all the prayers and encouragement from others. Thanks again and God bless you always my dear friend and sister in Christ.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Caca,
The Lord will never give us a trial that we could never surmount. With the trial, He gives us sufficient grace to overcome them. He is as much in pain whenever we see us go through those harrowing experiences in our lives. But like a true good Father, He endures them all because He knows they will be good for us and will make us better persons that He can use later as channels of His divine blessings and grace to others. Hold on to your faith young friend. The Lord has so much in store for you. Your talents will blossom later on to give more glory to the Lord. Thanks for your inspiring words. I really appreciate them. God bless you always my young friend.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Bingkee,
Thank you so much for your prayer. It means so much for me my friend. As you go through all your experiences in the land flowing with milk and honey, just remember your hardcore lessons in life here in your native country. They will serve you in good stead when the going gets rough there. You had such a colorful childhood experiences that had toughened you up and had resulted in your present successes in life. Thank you so much for your prayer and encouraging comments. God bless you always my friend. May the Lord finally bless you with your most cherished baby.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Krystyna,
Thanks for the compliment. There are millions of wallpapers, gif and avatars in the internet. You can just download them for free. Just type "free wallpaper" in your search engine and you will see numerous websites offering them. You can download them one at a time and collect them in your personal file. Then you can use them later in your posting. If this is not sufficient, you can access all kinds of photos from Wikipedia. Thanks so much my dear friend. God bless you always.

wendy said...

That was an awesome testimony! thanks for sharing it! =) God truly is our healer!!

Jennifer @ Quiverfull Family said...

Wow, praise the Lord for his goodness! Woohoo! What a powerful testimony!

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

HI Wendy,
Truly my life was like a fairy tale. I have been up there and have been down in my lowest point in life, but always the Lord has delivered me. Praise be His holy name forever. Thanks for your visit and encouraging comments. Take care of yourself and your baby always. God bless you and your loved ones always my friend.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Jennifer,
The Lord has made writing in my blogs my second ministry, the 1st being my family. I would be terribly happy if my writings can lead some souls to the Lord. I live in order to please God and give glory to His name. Let His name be praised forevermore. Thanks for your visit and inspiring comments. I appreciate that. God bless you always.

tin-tin said...

Praise God for your sharing :)

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Tintin,
Thank you so much for your concern. I really appreciate that. God bless you always.

judie said...

When I recently lost my beloved adult child I had those types of thoughts. I am now glad I was cowardly and could not follow through. I am still needed here for her twin. Keep up your good, positive thoughts Mel, both here and at WBU. The world needs more people like you. God Bless. xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

I almost cried after reading this.
May god grant happiness to everybody.

natalie said...

Oh wow! God is so good! I can't imagine the pain you went through because you even thought of ending your life. I'm so glad we have a God who is in control of everything and who loves us.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Judie,
We all went through some traumatic experiences in our lives one time or another, and we sometimes are pushed beyond the limits of our endurance and sanity, but there is a God who sees all our pains and trials and who provides us with sufficient grace to see us all through. And in the end, He always deliver us if we trust in His unfailing love. Thanks for your visit and your very comforting words. I really appreciate them. God bless you always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Hobo,
We are all connected by a common humanity that is why we could empathize with the suffering of others. It is the thread that binds us all. If we could only learn to love and trust one another and discard our biases and bigotry, then this world will be a better place to live in. Thanks for your visit and your sympathetic comments. I truly appreciate that. God bless.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Nathalie,
Yes, I never imagined such thoughts would ever cross my mind but stranger things happen when we are deliriously suffering and in pain. The natural tendency would be to end one's pain and suffering. To see more tales of courage and steadfastness in the midst of suffering, please visit my friend's blog- Bluebirdy (Living- 4 Hours At A Time) and read tales of undaunting courage and faith amidst great sufferings. Thanks for your visit and encouraging comments. God bless you always.

heiresschild said...

hi Mel,

i remember when you were going thru this last year, and i believe you mentioned the suicide then, though not to this extent. i'm so glad you have the fear of God in you, and that that was enough to keep you from doing harm to yourself. your children and wife need you, plus you still have plenty of work to do for the Lord. what would we do without your beautiful, heartfelt posts and kind, encouraging words to us?! love you brother friend, and stay encouraged.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Sylvia,
Yes, I mentioned about that last year but I have to reprise the event this time showcasing the thoughts that came to my mind last year to magnify on the fact that suffering and extreme pain can cause disturbances in one's brains. Only the grace of God and the fear of the Lord had prevented me from committing a grievous sin that time. Thanks for the comforting words. You are always a fortress of strength for your friends. God bless you always my friend.

Sheilalu said...

Hello Mel, how are you doing? I hope everything's well with you. I always pray for you and Sheila of Bluebirdy. To God be the Glory indeed. I know He is a loving God and will never forsake His children.

God Bless You my friend...

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Shielalu,
That was so touching indeed. Thank you so much for praying for sis Shiela and myself. I really appreciate your Christian gesture. I am also praying for you since I know that you also have a sickness although I still do not know what it is. Thanks again for your visit and comments. God bless you always my friend.

"Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts" (Hebrews 4:7b)


Please click here: http://www.andiesisle.com/He-Will-Be.html


Tingnan ang buong laki ng larawan

Hear Il Divo's Amazing Rendition of Amazing Grace at the Coliseum in Rome, Italy

Please click here

Divine Providence